I have a goal for the summer: to clear my head of the constant chatter and relax. I spend a lot of time with things like meditation and chanting; wonderful past-times that allow me some quality connection with my spirit. Wonderful as they are, however, they are also focused on mindfulness. What I really have need of is mindlessness.
I have said this before: it can become quite a burden to try to live in a constant state of mind that requires awareness. It is, in some ways, like seeing life through a camera lens--never quite experiencing being in the present because my awareness lies on trying to be aware of my experience rather than to just be in my experience. (A bit convoluted, I know, but, well, what can I say?)
So I have been trying to just do things this summer. I have been fixing some nagging problems in the deck of my boat. Grinding, sanding, fiber glassing, sanding, filling, painting. Yesterday I cleaned and waxed the entire hull of the boat. And I have been mowing the lawn, recording some music, carving and sanding a walking stick, working on the occasional house project. Tomorrow, I go sailing with some friends for a few days, then come home to get my own boat in the water.
I can't say yet that the weight of my journey has been lifted from my shoulders. It does still feel like my struggles linger on in the background most of the time. I manage to make it a burden that is tough to shuck. But I am relearning the value of doing things that require no thought, or creative thought only.
I am remembering that there is being built into doing, perhaps more being in doing than in trying to figure out just how to be. It is just one more of those things that requires balance.
I have said this before: it can become quite a burden to try to live in a constant state of mind that requires awareness. It is, in some ways, like seeing life through a camera lens--never quite experiencing being in the present because my awareness lies on trying to be aware of my experience rather than to just be in my experience. (A bit convoluted, I know, but, well, what can I say?)
So I have been trying to just do things this summer. I have been fixing some nagging problems in the deck of my boat. Grinding, sanding, fiber glassing, sanding, filling, painting. Yesterday I cleaned and waxed the entire hull of the boat. And I have been mowing the lawn, recording some music, carving and sanding a walking stick, working on the occasional house project. Tomorrow, I go sailing with some friends for a few days, then come home to get my own boat in the water.
I can't say yet that the weight of my journey has been lifted from my shoulders. It does still feel like my struggles linger on in the background most of the time. I manage to make it a burden that is tough to shuck. But I am relearning the value of doing things that require no thought, or creative thought only.
I am remembering that there is being built into doing, perhaps more being in doing than in trying to figure out just how to be. It is just one more of those things that requires balance.
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