Perhaps I should be clear that I speak only for myself.
It seems like I mix up my spiritual life with my emotional, intellectual and physical life (which of course, mixed up it is), hoping, perhaps, that by finally settling on a clear spiritual path, all the trials that come up from being a physical, rational and feeling being will go away. Well, wish me luck. I mean there is nothing, absolutely nothing that I can think of that will remove me from being human (other than, of course, death). And that means that I will suffer, occasionally, from the torments of my body, my reason, my emotion and, yes, even my spirit. Even if I sit at the right hand of God, I'm undoubtedly going to get slapped by that hand every now and then, if only by mistake. So it seems a bit of a waste to be hoping that a deeper spiritual life will change that.
Perhaps my push towards deeper spirituality is a compulsion for forgiveness or redemption or some such thing. Everyone, after all, does things wrong and feels guilty about them. Ain't nobody out there who can claim a lily white life. But changing history is a pipe dream--forgiveness from the aggrieved might be a relief, but it doesn't unwrong the wrong. And does this actually make me more spiritual?
Perhaps my effort is merely a question of finding definition. Religions define for us the path and even the results of our spiritual efforts. I do not find those rules particularly helpful, and that leaves me kind of rudderless. UU and/or "new age" and/or non-sectarian principles don't help much either. Though they do create a container, they also rely on me to fill it--but with what? And on top of all this, everyone from the Pope to the pagans bandy about the word "spirituality" sans any substantive definition. So what is it I am trying to fill and what am I trying to fill it with?
Perhaps "spirituality" is knowing the container and the contents, but more likely it is something that only I can define for myself, and that will always be somewhat of a moving target. I do know it when I feel like I am in a spiritual place in my life, or when a moment of spiritual clarity emerges from the gloom. I guess the big challenge for those of us who are not enamored with dogma is to decide that it is all right to seek a spiritual path without it. And then to define and decide what spirituality means to us so that we can create the journey and head towards the destination.