Wobbly Living

4/19/2012

Every now and then I am brought up short by just how wobbly a life I am living. By wobbly I mean how my life seems one way but is occasionally revealed to be something quite different than I expect. This morning, for example, I was driving to an irrelevant (to you) destination when with absolutely no warning I began to feel good. I noticed it immediately. It was kind of a shock to emerge from the haze of everyday living and actually come close to feeling happy and at peace. A shock, mind you, of the most pleasant sort. Unfortunately it was kind of like driving under a bridge during a heavy rain; there is a split second of clarity, then back into the deluge.

I wish I could put my finger on what triggers these encounters with my center. I would say that a good deal of my efforts to find a consistent spiritual path focus on creating a more reliable relationship with this elusive part of me. So much of the time I spend aiming towards what comes next that actually just being in the moment is a rare experience. And this is not about a state of action, it is purely about a state of mind. What I mean is that I am always thinking about what I am doing, not just doing it. And often when my mind stops working at those moments of deep immersion, it feels so alien to me that I stop whatever I am doing. Somehow I feel like I might get lost, I guess.

In this sense, I guess life becomes the ultimate spiritual practice. It is not really about mindfulness or (as I have implied in these writings before) mindlessness. It is merely about being; being fully in the present moment, without thinking about it, longing for it, striving to find it; none of these things--just being in it.

Clearly that can not happen every minute of our lives--that's kind of living a lobotomized life, I'd guess. But what surprises me about my own life is that though I seek out such moments of "being" with meditation and chanting and such, they are so much more powerful when I just find myself in them--just because. That could be just the surprise of finding myself in an unexpected state of mind, or it could be that it is the most honest possible kind of encounter with the spirit that we can have. The kind that is truly unencumbered by anything but ourselves laid out plain and simple.

6 Comments

Badger link

4/19/2012 05:57:23 am

Nailed it duude!
Why just this afternoon while pitching hay I realized that I adopt Zen Buddhism out of desperation. In spite of measured success at riding the flow, I WANT it ALL to happen my way.

Natty Ratty link

4/19/2012 06:19:54 am

Yup....good on ya Rev Benny! I guess the path toward elightenment is nothing if not "wobbly"...at least we know there are a bunch of other good folks stumbling along with us! What did the Buddha say?: "If yr facing in the right direction, all you have to do is keep on walking!"

Pete Greider

4/19/2012 07:39:24 am

Ben:

Thanks. I love the line, "Unfortunately it was kind of like driving under a bridge during a heavy rain; there is a split second of clarity, then back into the deluge." That is a great analogy.

Nancy Willett

4/19/2012 11:05:33 am

At my husband's birthday party to celebrate his 80th, we asked him what is the purpose of life. He said simply, live it. Yes, I thought. Let go of the controls. Live it. I would add, live it with trust and appreciation. Turn the Monkey Mind Off. Smile. We know Spring in New England, it's extraordinary beauty. Yet it is a surprise, a delight each gifted spring. See, feel, hear, touch, smell the warming earth. Live it. I am talking to myself. If I can just follow my own wisdom and replace the fear with trust and gratitude. A weird turn of events due to knee surgery has left me in pain 24/7 even under heavy medication. I'm better with the answer than the practice.
Blessed be

Phin

4/19/2012 11:25:11 am

On Shirley heights this evening with dear friends about to put together a big party for the classic yacht regatta. We all looked at each other and knew that we were truly blessed. What a gift this life is. If it was always easy it would be like eating cold plain oatmeal.

Bob Mann

4/22/2012 11:20:52 pm

Back to being querulous I suppose. Two things about just letting it happen. First, for those to be positive experiences, I think it is necessary to do a lot of more or less hard work setting up a situation that is positive. I think I actually enjoy the setting up work more but that may just be me. Secondly, not only is there psychological/philosophical work necessary as a precursor, but situational variables are also critical and must be controlled and manipulated. If one surrounds oneself with negative people, situations etc. the likelihood of a positive experience of letting it all hang out is reduced.
Perhaps this is prideful - not always a bad thing. I like being able to trace my interventions from initial efforts to the sense of enjoyment which may either be reflective or just basking in the moment. Perhaps it is just fantasy but I like to think of those moments of pleasure as resulting in no small way from my understanding and efforts to control events leading up to them.

Rev. Ben

I am an Interfaith Minister. My ramblings are primarily random thoughts, and commentary on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. See more on the ABOUT ME page (above).

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Wobbly Living

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